Friday, January 20, 2006


Dear Megan,
I've often heard discussions about repressing memories and how they end up hurting you even more. Well here's the thing I've always been afraid of rejection, now I know you're gonna say that everyone is... no I'm truly horrified of rejection more so than most people. Why do you think I play so hard to get with good guys and end up dating the desperate. You see I've dated 14 people in my whole like and 8 have cheated on me, the moment I found out about it I'd break up with them and move on forgetting about how much I cared about them, i always thought that I was just stronger than most people my age. Contrary to popular belief I simply repressed the sadness of having a man who was supposed to be madlly in Love with me pick another woman over me to make out with or have sex with. I'm gonna dish on a couple of them that come back to my mind at random!

Josh Blankenship
he asked me to go steady with him and I said yes... Turned out my best friend in the entire world that I'd known since 1st grade Nikki Self was madly in Love with him... i just thought he was cute! Anyways as you know I do not kiss on the first date and it takes a lot of trusting for me to do ANYTHING with a guy. Well Nikki Josh and I went to a Christmas play at Josh's church on Nikki's birthday too... He was showing us around his church and we went to the second floor where there was supposed to be punch and cookies well he asked If I'd hold his coat cause he needed to talk to Nikki... I said that's fine and him and Nikki went into a different room to talk about something. Well they came back and Nikki wanted to go so we went outside to wait for her parents and we sat down and she looked at me and asked me "Emily, is there anything that if I did it you'd never be my friend ever again?" "Of course not Nikki you're my best friend!" she smiled at me and her parents showed up and we went home. about 30 minutes after getting home the phone rings, now my parents are pretty hard core about some things but they make exceptions for super good friends and Nikki had definantely been one, well it was Nikki and she sounded like she was crying... She told me how when Josh and her went to talk he turned out the lights and french kissed her as "Her birthday present" cause he knew how she felt about her! Next morning at school, Monday, I hunted that bastard down and we went into a practice room(we were all in band together) so if I felt like beating the shit out of him I could do it and no one would hear. I scared the crap out of him and broke up... he spent the next 3 days trying to apologizeand begged for me to take him back, I sat down with Nikki and they had reconciled and she told me not to give up on him he was a good guy... well I foolishly took him back on Thursday. That weekend was UIL competition so I got on the bus and went, I rocked the pants off those people and got a 1 as an 8th grader! Anyways I got home called josh celebrated over the phone and life went on fine! 2 weeks later another one of my friends came to me crying before school started and confessed to me that her and Josh had made out and she well gave him... something I never would! That was the end of Josh!!!

I had a different friends named Niki Johnson and she was dating Austin who was well the love of my life! well Jake and I started hanging out during a trip to San Antonio for band... I told him how I had had a crush on him since 8th grade(which wasn't true, Niki told me it would make him like me more) and he couldn't believe it because we'd never talked before and he had noticed me (who couldn't I'm so damn Loud) but didn't think I'd seen him! well we made out several times and hung out a lot and even discussed going all the way. We had so many friends in common so it was easy to get to see each other. well This one friday I came over to hang out and well I gave him something I never would have given Josh... Saturday and Sunday i paged him a million times... he'd never not returned my pages, Monday he broke up with me... one week later A "Concerned" friend (that means one of Jakes friends) informed me he had cheated on me. I confronted him and he told me the truth, him and Niki had had sex... ALL LEVELS OF PISSED OFF not only did he cheat on me, BUT Niki a friend of MINE had cheated on AUSTIN!!! I had introduced them too!! That miserable BITCH! She lied her ass off too. it wasn't till 2 years later she told me the truth...

So I'm having trouble writing these so I'll tella bout more later when i have the guts to get back into it!


At 11:44 PM, Blogger Empress Megan said...

sweetie... I love you... but I'm not exactly sure why you are telling me this online... I know it's emotional and hard to talk about in person, but putting it online for the whole world to see seems just as hard. If you want to email me that might be easier... I love you!


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